I want there to more then there is. i want to feel more then I do. He's perfect for me and it's just not there. There is no spark, it's like and i wish it was love. i'm not sure if i can make it grow but i really want to.

So many different thoughts I find it hard to keep track of them. I wish I could write again. I miss using an actul pen and paper. i always enjoyed the feeling of it and watching the letters show up on paper, but I once had that trust violated and I can't take that chance anymore. So typing it is. I want to move forward in my life and I'm not sure how to move or where I want to go. There are so many things in my life I want to do and I'm not sure how to get there. I wish life was simpler and I don't mean just being handed things. I mean knowing where choices will lead. I was with a man for seven years and I lost alot of myself in that relationship and I can't do that again. I can't lose myself again. I'm just starting to find me and I kinda like who I'm turning out to be. Sad thing to say when I'm almost thirty. I have no idea what I want anymore. I started seeing this new guy. He's wonderful, very comfortable with who he is and I really like that about him. He's different then anyone else I've know, and he scares me. I keep drawing a line in the sand and the next thing I know it's behind me and I don't even notice when I cross it. I had rules. Nothing major just simple things that I didn't do. And he keeps breaking them. He had rules too and we've broken those also. I don't ever break my rules. I love my rules and my boxes. He breaks my rules but in such a way that you don't notice till afterward. He has torn down almost all of my boxes, piece by piece, bit by bit. You can see though most of them. I don't like being scared, or confused. It bugs me. Annoys me. Just about kills me. And what makes it worse is I like him...