It's amazing how one moment, one instant, one thought can change so much in your little world. That's all it seemed to take for me to realize i needed to pull back. to take a moment and figure out if this is what I'm ready for. It's feels like this is the biggest thing to hit me in a very long time. He is the biggest thing in my world and i keep losing parts of myself before i know they are gone. It's not him asking for it or taking them, it's me handing them over or changing just enough to please him. The funny thing is that I don't feel like I'm losing myself like i think i should be i feel more like me then i ever thought i would. some days i even kinda get a kick out of feeling like a 1950's house wife. the only thing that really scares me is that I'm not sure that I'm ready for this. it feels huge to me sometimes i can't even breathe. but it's all so simple. it's been 6 months and not all of it has been easy some of it really sucked, but almost all of it has been just perfect. and perfect scares me more then anything else. i can't seem to get my head on straight. i hate that it kills me. i feel out of control and off center. I'm just not sure what comes next...

I hate over thinking everything. But I do and always have. From the biggest issues to the tiniest things, and everything inbetween. I have a wonderful, and I mean truly wonderful, relationship. It's everything I could ever want or wish for. and there are days I still feel the need to pick it apart, to pull at every little thing. Why is it so hard to be happy? I love every moment we spend together but there are days when I wonder if he's settling, if I am. I've never had such an amazing person I can call mine. I know I should just be grateful but it's hard to just accept and not look for fault. Maybe one day soon I can just enjoy and not wait and wonder...