I hate Mothers Day!

I have 2 girls one is 9 and the other 14. Most days I love my kids, enjoy them, and appriciate them. Saying this please understand where I am coming from. I have had crappy mothers days  for more than 14 years. I always do something nice for my mom and my mother in law but for me it is a stupid and pointless day. I can't stand everyone saying it to me like it means something special. Or how the kids and their farther can wish or do something nice for every other women in the world but for me nothing. I know I should be grateful to have a wonderful family and life. But if their was one day I could just get rid of out of the year it would be mothers day!!

All I asked for today was breakfast and my kitchen floor to be swept and mopped. My husband forgot it was mothers day, my oldest daughter made breakfast for grandma and her self, and my youngest daughter got flowers for the other grandma. And every one looked at me like I was nuts when I said I didn't want to make dinner or get gifts, I just wanted to go back to bed and end this crappy crappy day. I don't often feel unloved by my family but on this day every year I feel unloved, and unappreciated.

I hate Mothers Day!

So the wedding is 10 months away and I want to call it off. He is/was/maybe cheating/cheated. I know he did more than think about it. This amazing perfect wonderful man is someone i'm coming to hate. I can't help but wonder every time his phone goes off if it's another women or even worse another man. 

I hate the wondering, the thoughts that I just can't seem to get out of my head. Most days all I see is him, this man who sees me for who I am, who is so good and kind. And than his phone goes off in the middle of the night. I am right back in the bad place where all I do is wonder.