I had my first child at the age of 19. She is now a pretty kick ass 16-year old who I am so proud of. I had my second child at the age of 21, I chose not to keep her. At that time I couldn't. I don't regret any of my choice, I made the best choice for me at that time and I stand by it.
I am now 35 and have been married almost 2 years and with my husband almost 7. He had a vasectomy a few months after we got together and I was good with that. I have been babysitting for a little girl for the last 6 months and I got attached. I knew better but I got attached. I just found out that she will be starting daycare in the next week or so and all I wanna do it cry. I miss her already. She is not mine and I know that. She is just so happy and amazing and I will miss seeing her so often.
This made me realize a few things about me, I want another child. I want a baby to cuddle, a toddler to chase after, and all of the ups and downs that come after. I know that my husband does not want this, he does not even want the child that he has now some days. Until this minute I never knew I really wanted another child. I have been done for years and I have been ok with this for all of this time. I wonder how long this feeling will last, does it go away, I feel empty and I hate it. With everything going on in my life the last thing I need is another child but all I want is that. I hope this just goes away on its own, my marriage can't survive much more...
