I miss feeling safe. I miss my emotions feeling under control. I am not dealing well with how I feel. Does he understand I'm starting to hate him? Does he understand that every time he touches me, looks at me, walks away from on me, I think of all the other women he has said the same things to? Things that he said were just for me? That I read over and over again until I'm questioning my own sanity. 

He says he loves me, he says he wants me, then he shows me how unimportant I am to him. How I'm not good enough for him, not pretty enough, not skinny enough, not sexual enough. Just not enough, never enough. I know what I'm not, I see it ever time I look in a mirror, or see what s in my head. I know I'm not enough, have no doubts but I thought I was what he wanted.

I don't want to be with someone who doesn't want me. I wish he felt the same way I do. I don't know if I'm strong enough to stop loving him, I don't know if I'm strong enough to keep loving him while he doesn't love me in the same way. I

I don't know when I got weak. I remember being strong and not needing anyone. I can't cry anymore. I can't hurt anymore. I don't have enough left in me to to keep feeling this way but I don't know how to change it. I don't know what's next. If there is even a next for us, or if there is still an us...