I miss him. Giving him the space he seems to want, to need, is killing me. Not calling or texting, not pushing myself on him. I feel so alone without him. Almost empty. I thought being married and loving him ment I wouldn't feel like this. It seems that I was very wrong. 

There is a part of me that wonders if he spent the week talking to other women. Giving them his time, his affection, his body. He says it's not cheating, and I don't understand how its not. Pictures, videos, texts. Maybe not in person, but all of that means he's still not mine anymore...

I stopped writing here. I thought I'd stop writing. But then I ended up writing to you on reddit. And I can't anymore. A part of me hoped that you would read it and understand, make an effort, do something for me. A part of me was terrified that you would. I'm watching you pull away and I can't stop you. I'm trying to let go. To let you walk away and be ok with it. I feel like my world is falling apart and me with it. 

I want to hate you. Or even better, just not care. I can only pretend so much and I think I'm reaching my limit. Not yelling at you for treating me as nothing, not crying when you forget about me. Not being hurt when you ignore me. I know time will help for me not to hurt but what will help now. What will help me not to touch you, kiss you, want you, miss you? 

You say hope kills. I wonder if you know how you kill me every moment of every day.