I wish I could talk to the people in my life that I need to. I can talk to so many people and almost no one scares me. But there are those few people in my life that i guess i'm just so scared if i tell them how i really feel or what I really want that they will leave. I don't mind always being thought of as the hardass or the bitch. I kinda like it sometimes. but i just can't tell him (yep knew it was a him didn't you) how i really feel. What i really think. How much i hate him sometimes. How much i just want him to let go. I did i told him it was over and then i caved flat out caved. I love him. more then words can say i love him. and i hate him with my whole heart i hate him. and it just dosen't stop. sometimes it feels like he's punishing me for making descisions that are right for me. for doing what I feel i need to do. I miss so many things about him and yet he's not here. He's not mine and yet he's all i need sometimes. I have just so many things that I want and need to say to him that I just can't. i just can't seem to open my mouth and say them. i wish I knew how to talk to him. How to tell him the truth about what I need and want from him from us.
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