So for the last couple of years Gilmore Girls has been my comfort show. i started watching many years ago and I have loved it forever. and now i can't cause it reminds me of him. he took away my comfort my safe zone. and now i don't have anything left. he was my best friend and now nothing. i don't have a best friend anymore. it's not fair.and while i know life isn't fair this should be to some point. i broke up with him in oct and he fought long and hard to keep me. and i decided to try again to jump back into us with both feet and now it's just over. over. such a small word that means so much. the last time we talked on the phone all he kept saying was that he couldn't deal with this right now. and now nothing. so i am saying that whatever we had is over. we were together almost 8 years. planning a wedding and now i have a very sad looking ring that i can't wear, i can't even look at the damn thing.

Hate is such a strong word and it's not something I thought he could ever make me feel. But it's the only thing i feel anymore. Hate. All I do is cry anymore. and I hate crying. He kept saying that he didn't want to keep paying for leaving me but all he did was leave me. it didn't matter if it was emotionaly or physcialy. he just never stopped and now it's over for good. Now i am trying to find closure. I closed my myspace page and my facebook page. I took him off my messanger list and out of my cell phone. and I miss him. his voice his face. just knowing i can call and chat. he has been my best friend for over 7 years and now nothing. i'm just not dealing well with this. i miss my best friend. he's just gone and i don't know what to do. i don't know what to do with my time cause i can't keep crying. i just hate him for making me feel this way. i just want to yell at him and tell him how much he hurt me and i can't. i won't let myself call or message or text or even write an e-mail. so this i get to write here cause i know he won't read it and i need to have some pride even if it is make belive. i guess pretend is better then nothing and for now it's all i have.