Have you ever been in a life and not sure how you got there? That is the way I'm feeling. I keep watching him change my life in both little ways and big ways. After I see the change I keep thinking yeah that works better. Thats big for me. I wonder somedays if he understands just how much He's changed me. How much he's changed the way I think and the way I run my life. There are still things I miss and still things I'm learning to live with out. It's hard for me to accept that I'm not really what he wants sexually that I don't turn him on and I just can't seem to get past it. I get jealous over the smallest things and have gotten very good at ignoring them. he points out all of these women that are beautiful but he doesn't make me feel anything but not good enough for him. I just can't seem to get past that. I know out of the bedroom he's happy but inside I wonder sometimes. I have never based my life on someone elses opinions the way I do with him but I'm getting better at gaining my confidence back. I hate when he puts backgrounds on his phone of his female friends or other women but never of me. I know i'm not as pretty as he's used to dating but it still hurts. I think I'm getting better at hiding it and I'm sure one day I'll be perfect at it. I wonder what he's thinking all the time. I'm getting better at not overthinking outloud now I just do it in my head... I miss romance and soft touches. I love the rough stuff but sometimes it's nice to feel loved. I can't blame him for faults that I don't fix or bring up so I just forget about them. I can forget about a lot of things and live without a lot of things because he makes me happy in so many other ways and I know that you can't have eveything you want and i can accept that. So much is going on with him right now I have no right to expect much from him long hours and things with his daughter but I still get sad and hurt sometimes. I still need me and there are so many different sides of me but i think he only sees one...