It just doesn't end. Maybe it is just me and he just needs what he needs. I know I'm just not enough.. I guess that's ok.

Why does it matter? Why do I let it hurt? He doesn't care. I've thought about joining a site or talking to men. I cant. Even the thought makes me feel awful. Even worse then when I read what he writes to other women. 

I should be sleeping. I cant. He won't flirt with me but he can with all these other women. He's not in the mood unless its with other women. I am not enough. I'm never enough. In so many ways. 

I can accept that. I need to accept that. It can't matter. It hurts to much if it matters. I don't think I handle feeling more pain, especially more pain about this. 

One day I will be strong enough. Strong enough to not care or strong enough to confront him. But first it can't hurt. It can't make me want to cry. It can't make feel not good enough. I'm ok with being not enough. I just wanted to be enough for him..