So many answers to one question, what do I want. Him asking those four words made me cry. For a moment, just a moment I almost answered. I can't answer. The answer is to big, to important to me, there are to many answers to that question. To many parts of my life depend on wants. 

Maybe needs would be better. Maybe focusing on just those tiny needs that I can fulfil would be better. Wants are to scary, too big, to important. 

I miss my boxes. Right now those are all I want. Tiny boxes for each of my wants. Tiny boxes that I can float out to sea in the ocean of my mind. And when they sink I can function again. I can forget about them because they will be gone. 

There is nothing worse then feeling crazy and weak. At one time I felt strong, calm, and had confidence. I had all of that, felt all of that because of the boxes. They worked for years. It took years for those boxes to break. 

Maybe this time I can build stronger boxes... Boxes that will hold in my feelings, my wants, and especially my needs.