It just hurts. He's acting like everything is fine and I'm still hurt. Its hard to build tiny boxes after working so hard to stop. They aren't as strong as I need them to be. Feelings keep leaking out. I know ill get stronger and the feelings will disappear, until then it hurts. 

How do I let go? How do I forget? How do I move past? All of these thoughts, pictures, things, just running around my head. They won't go away. They won't stop.

 Writing all of this down is not helping. In a way it feels like its making it worse. Now not only is it in my head but I can reread everything. how does that help? How do I let it go and forget? How do I focus on anything else? 

I wonder what's next? For us? For me? I almost want him to talk to me. Almost. I don't think I'm ready but almost. I'm starting to think that's what needs to come next. Almost isn't now. I wonder how long for now?