Just sex. Not romance. Not making love. It isn't so hard if I keep repeating that to myself. Its easier to pretend if I view it as just sex. I don't care so much about other women or pictures or conversations, if its just sex between us. Just sex. Nothing more. Maybe I won't hate him, maybe I can still love him in other parts if our life if its just sex. 

I spent years having just sex, no emotions and it was fine. What's the difference? I can love him every other time of the day and view getting into bed with as nothing. No emotion, no wants , no needs, no love. That has to be easier then thinking I'm not enough for him. That he's settling for sex with me. 

So I guess the first few boxes I build will be love and need. And I know with time both of those emotions die.