Will I grow to hate him if I keep feeling like this? Will I start to hate myself? How long? This is my new question, or the start if many new questions.

How long can I hide the way I feel? How long will I let myself be a rug? How long can I pretend to be ok? How long before I'm not ok? How long before my life is mine again? How long before I hate him? How long will he still want our life? How long before he cheats again? How long can I pretend.

I have all of the questions and I don't want any of the answers right now. Not one. Each answer is to scary to face right now. Pretend is almost easier. If I can just keep myself busy and my mind full maybe I can live with all the little boxes again...